smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
