you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
