you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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