Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
