Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
