TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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