He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
