So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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