Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
