you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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