I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
