some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
