yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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