then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
