You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
