No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
