So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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