Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
