You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
