there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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