Pappa wants mamma naked
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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