Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She bit a glass in half.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
