Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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