I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
