I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
