I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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