Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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