I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
