Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
