i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize