Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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