Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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