I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
