WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize