Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
