It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
