Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
