I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
