But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
