Small penises have feelings too.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
