So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
