I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
