I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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