I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
