Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
