we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you win again, gameday.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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