He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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