I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
