dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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