Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
