Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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