Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
