I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
