before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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