So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
