so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
