Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
