About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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