allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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