So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
