I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
