So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
