Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize