White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he told me I talked like a deaf person
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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