i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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