you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
